Posted by Harrek on November 26, 1999 at 19:59:17:
In Reply to: Where you a shaman of Sebeok?N/T posted by Eric Prothero on November 26, 1999 at 19:02:35:
> > I was just reading through old logs, and found this one.... it depressed me to no end. I had an argument with Hilaene, wrote an apologetic letter to her and Sebeok, and then got yelled at by her a few more times and deleted. I thought I'd share one of my worst defeats with you, if anybody wants to read it. > > > > > > <920hp 552m 582mv> cb He and Daskernip both began apologizing at that point. *chuckle* > > <920hp 482m 582mv> > > <920hp 549m 582mv> cb No, I wouldn't at that... but long I've defended my sylvan brethren as a part of the wilderness. If the day comes that those actions are wrong, then I'm in the wrong profession. > > <920hp 434m 582mv> cb Though I appreciate your candor in expressing my uselessness, Cap. > > <920hp 369m 582mv> > > <920hp 399m 582mv> cb As you like. Twist's teeth, I didn't realize it was even a topic for discussion. > > <920hp 531m 582mv> > > <920hp 531m 582mv> t hilaene I did no such thing. > > <920hp 561m 582mv> > > <920hp 561m 582mv> > > <920hp 561m 582mv> t hilaene Haven't sent a note, and haven't made any threats. > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene And I've never been called a bully before. > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene That note was in regards to ragers attacking me blindly. It got to the point that Voss considered violence. > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene As you like. > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene As you like. > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene I get a definite impression from you. > > <920hp 584m 582mv> t hilaene And I can't say I'm not disappointed to receive it. > > <920hp 584m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene It's your mind.. I wouldn't presume to traipse about within it. > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene You seem to have a fairly severe dislike for me. > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene How many times have I taken back our sapling? How many times have I sat in the Emerald forest entirely visible? And how many times have you seen me in the city? > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene I barely know you, captain, yet you seem to think you know most everything about me. > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene Then explain your all-encompassing knowledge... > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene The Great Spirit is suspicious by nature, particularly of me. We didn't get off on the right foot. > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene Voss... well, I don't know what Voss told you about me. > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene But know this: > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene In order to become a Warder, I was allowed no contact with Voss. When I tried to speak with him, he shied away in something resembling terror. > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene I spoke exclusively with Sebeok, and I spent seventy years of my life proving myself to him. > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene He hasn't removed me to date. > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene I *have* walked a thin line, you are correct. > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene You misunderstand... Voss was terrified of what Sebeok might do to him, should he find that I'd talked to Voss alone. > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene I misunderstand nothing. Sebeok has a frightening temper. > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene And he'd told Voss specifically not to speak with me, that I'd be dealing with him alone. > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene Then what is it you're attempting to tell me I'm wrong about? > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene You admit that you've seen me twice. > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene I speak for myself. If my words sound like those of a braggart, then you read too deeply. > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t jurien Harrek shaman scold scold by serious Captain because of Harrek, friend. > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t jurien No worries. If the captain truly dislikes me, then I won't be a problem any longer. > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene I've gotten lost in the conversation. I know you don't like me, and that is, to me, ridiculous. I've done nothing to deserve it. You assume much, and you fill in the rest with assumption... Do me the favor of judging me by your own observation. > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene You have no facts to base whatever this is -- it's not a grudge, apparently -- upon. > > <920hp 584m 582mv> > > <920hp 584m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene Explain to me what I've done wrong. You say I spend most of my time in the cities... I tell you that I spent thirty years there as an arbiter. No longer. > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene You tell me I'm a braggart. I tell you you've mistaken something. > > <920hp 589m 582mv> > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene I just don't understand. > > <920hp 589m 582mv> t hilaene But, spend no more of your limited patience... I'll trouble you no further.
> > Background information: Harrek started off his life in the cities as an Arbiter (not actually - it was the role I'd thought up)... I turned it around during my long induction process with Sebeok, though, and turned into what was, in my estimation, a pretty good Warder. Harrek got hot under the collar fairly often, emotionally speaking. His little overloads got me in trouble constantly... I got off on the wrong foot with Sebeok, and again with Hilaene, in a big way. The ragers always attacked me with no provocation, and I always beat them. They attacked a ranger Warder right next to me just prior to this log's beginning, and Harrek got angry at the ragers and told them to back off or he'd start attacking them for fun. I made a comment over the cabal channel which I thought the ranger would like to hear, explaining what I'd told the ragers, and this unfolded (Hilaene had been silent before this, and this was probably the first time I'd seen her online since she'd become captain):
> > <920hp 552m 582mv>
> > [SYLVAN] Harrek: I simply let him know that if the battleragers were going to take up a policy of attacking rangers on sight, I'd be taking up a few policies of my own.
> > [SYLVAN] Harrek: He and Daskernip both began apologizing at that point. *chuckle*
> > [SYLVAN] Hilaene: Except that we don't have policies and if we did, you wouldn't be the one to make them, Harrek.
> > [SYLVAN] Harrek: No, I wouldn't at that... but long I've defended my sylvan brethren as a part of the wilderness. If the day comes that those actions are wrong, then I'm in the wrong profession.
> > [SYLVAN] Harrek: Though I appreciate your candor in expressing my uselessness, Cap.
> > [SYLVAN] Hilaene: We'll discuss this when I'm not in the midst of a fight, Harrek.
> > [SYLVAN] Harrek: As you like. Twist's teeth, I didn't realize it was even a topic for discussion.
> > Hilaene tells you 'The issue is this: You are not at liberty to make statements for the entire Grove.'
> > You tell Hilaene 'I did no such thing.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'Certainly you are not at liberty to endanger our peace and our lives by sending notes to the whole of the village, threatening them all.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'as one of us, you represent us'
> > You tell Hilaene 'Haven't sent a note, and haven't made any threats.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'You must learn to act as a Warder and not as a bully.'
> > You tell Hilaene 'And I've never been called a bully before.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'You did, in fact, some time back.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'Send a note to the battle cabal, speaking of their request that their gear be returned.'
> > You tell Hilaene 'That note was in regards to ragers attacking me blindly. It got to the point that Voss considered violence.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'I know exactly what Voss considered it.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'You overstep your bounds in a number of ways.'
> > You tell Hilaene 'As you like.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'This could be overlooked if you were an excellent Warder in all other regards.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'The Great Spirit has warned you, Voss has warned you, now I warn you.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'You walk a thin line.'
> > You tell Hilaene 'As you like.'
> > You tell Hilaene 'I get a definite impression from you.'
> > You tell Hilaene 'And I can't say I'm not disappointed to receive it.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'Do share.'
> > You tell Hilaene 'It's your mind.. I wouldn't presume to traipse about within it.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'Don't beat around the bush, Harrek.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'If you have something to say, say it directly.'
> > You tell Hilaene 'You seem to have a fairly severe dislike for me.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'Incorrect.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'I don't feel a personal emotion for you one way or the other.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'I take issue with and will not allow your actions.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'You are a Warder who spends most of his time in cities.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'That in and of itself is suspect.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'I see you only when times are good, never when the famine scourges us.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'That, too, does not leave a favorable impression.'
> > You tell Hilaene 'How many times have I taken back our sapling? How many times have I sat in the Emerald forest entirely visible? And how many times have you seen me in the city?'
> > Hilaene tells you 'On top of all this, you are a shaman. A shaman of the grove must have unquestionable worth and strength of purpose.'
> > You tell Hilaene 'I barely know you, captain, yet you seem to think you know most everything about me.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'How many times have I seen you since I became a Warder?'
> > Hilaene tells you 'Twice, Harrek.'
> > You tell Hilaene 'Then explain your all-encompassing knowledge...'
> > Hilaene tells you 'I've heard quite a bit about you from the Great Spirit and Voss.'
> > You tell Hilaene 'The Great Spirit is suspicious by nature, particularly of me. We didn't get off on the right foot.'
> > You tell Hilaene 'Voss... well, I don't know what Voss told you about me.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'And I've read your scroll to the battleragers and heard you speak'
> > You tell Hilaene 'But know this:'
> > You tell Hilaene 'In order to become a Warder, I was allowed no contact with Voss. When I tried to speak with him, he shied away in something resembling terror.'
> > You tell Hilaene 'I spoke exclusively with Sebeok, and I spent seventy years of my life proving myself to him.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'I somehow doubt Voss was terrified of you, Harrek'
> > You tell Hilaene 'He hasn't removed me to date.'
> > You tell Hilaene 'I *have* walked a thin line, you are correct.'
> > You tell Hilaene 'You misunderstand... Voss was terrified of what Sebeok might do to him, should he find that I'd talked to Voss alone.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'There should be no need for suspicion.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'This is absurd.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'I think you have quite a warped view of what goes on between the Captain and Sebeok'
> > Hilaene tells you 'It is far, far from tyranny'
> > You tell Hilaene 'I misunderstand nothing. Sebeok has a frightening temper.'
> > You tell Hilaene 'And he'd told Voss specifically not to speak with me, that I'd be dealing with him alone.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'With those who disappoint him, surely'
> > Hilaene tells you 'I would have it no other way'
> > Hilaene tells you 'Of course you would, you're a shaman, Harrek'
> > You tell Hilaene 'Then what is it you're attempting to tell me I'm wrong about?'
> > Hilaene tells you 'You yourself admit that you walk a fine line.'
> > You tell Hilaene 'You admit that you've seen me twice.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'Speaking for the whole of the Grove, bragging and blustering like someone who has the substance to do so..'
> > Hilaene tells you 'The fact that you spend so little time in actual protection is enough for me, frankly'
> > You tell Hilaene 'I speak for myself. If my words sound like those of a braggart, then you read too deeply.'
> > Jurien tells you 'Jurien hope Harrek shaman not scold scold by serious Captain because of Jurien..'
> > You tell Jurien 'Harrek shaman scold scold by serious Captain because of Harrek, friend.'
> > Jurien tells you '*nod nod* but incident started by Jurien Jurien, complain complain'
> > You tell Jurien 'No worries. If the captain truly dislikes me, then I won't be a problem any longer.'
> > You tell Hilaene 'I've gotten lost in the conversation. I know you don't like me, and that is, to me, ridiculous. I've done nothing to deserve it. You assume much, and you fill in the rest with assumption... Do me the favor of judging me by your own observation.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'Alright, Harrek'
> > Hilaene tells you 'If it makes you feel better to see this as some sort of personal grudge, then do so'
> > Hilaene tells you 'I suppose it's just a coincidence that the Great Spirit, Voss, and I all had the same personal grudge against you'
> > Hilaene tells you 'You're really such the victim'
> > You tell Hilaene 'You have no facts to base whatever this is -- it's not a grudge, apparently -- upon.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'But know well that I have little patience at your disposal'
> > Hilaene tells you 'Whatever my reasons, you will have to start acting as a Warder should'
> > Hilaene tells you 'If no one up to this point has made you, then that is unfortunate'
> > Hilaene tells you 'But now you will do so'
> > You tell Hilaene 'Explain to me what I've done wrong. You say I spend most of my time in the cities... I tell you that I spent thirty years there as an arbiter. No longer.'
> > You tell Hilaene 'You tell me I'm a braggart. I tell you you've mistaken something.'
> > Hilaene tells you 'Harrek, it doesn't take an elven genius to know a braggart when they see one'
> > You tell Hilaene 'I just don't understand.'
> > You tell Hilaene 'But, spend no more of your limited patience... I'll trouble you no further.'