[NT] *chuckle* Boy, don't you love to point out other ppl's mistakes? I know, I do too, but hey guys! don't take it hard, it's for your own good after all.

[NT] *chuckle* Boy, don't you love to point out other ppl's mistakes? I know, I do too, but hey guys! don't take it hard, it's for your own good after all.:
[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ Dioxide's CForum Character Board ]

Posted by Pattern Recognizer on August 2, 2000 at 14:54:03:

In Reply to: My comments within. posted by Zepachu on August 1, 2000 at 18:50:27:

> appearance instead of appearence.

> immense instead of emense.

> blacksmith's goggles instead of blacksmiths goggles.

> "...underneath a mess heavy bandages and dry blood." should be "...underneath a mess of heavy bandages and dried blood."

> I wonder why you capitalized Pale? Sometimes when you capitalize things to bring attention to them it defeats the purpose... I think this would be better just as "pale".

> I hate to keep pointing out spelling/grammar errors, I hope you don't take offense (and I myself am not a 100% expect by any means)..

> My last comment... instead of "...pursed together to make a cruel smile." I would replace make with "form"... simply because in the rest of the description you don't use any "simple" words.. make is a simple word, form isn't.. ya know what I mean?

> I like your description a lot, it gives a real feel for the appearance of the character... Again, I hope you don't mind me pointing out spelling errors and stuff, but then again you wouldn't have posted it here if you didn't expect it. Good luck with the character, seems like it will be cool.

> > Your gaze perchance happens to fall upon a pale and gaunt Svirfnebli.
> > Ashen, sickly looking skin looks to have been tightly pulled around his
> > wizened facial features, giving him an emaciated appearence. A rather
> > large, blunt and brutally deformed nose is partially hidden underneath
> > a mess heavy bandages and dry blood. Either side of these bandages,
> > sitting deep within two withdrawn ocular cavities are a pair of opaque,
> > misty grey eyes, devoid of pupils. Bitter and bloodless lips twist and
> > writhe as they are pursed together to make a cruel smile. Seated
> > underneath the larger bottom lip sits a sizeable tuff of whispy black
> > hair.

> > Hung around his emense bald head are a pair of what look to be blacksmiths
> > goggles. Covered in soot and dirt they leave thick marks upon his Pale
> > complexion. Slung across his chest, upon a large hardened leather sash
> > are a coat of arms. Three golden sheaths of wheat standing above a black
> > lion that breathes fire are the symbols embossed into the sash that
> > covers his chain mail outfit.

Follow Ups:

Yeah man, I felt bad cause I don't want people to be offended.. but it's better to be pointed out here in an OOC forum rather than by an Imm who is thinking about giving someone a tatto and such... (n/t) Zepachu 14:58:50 8/2/2000 (0)

Post a Followup

Name:
E-mail:
Subject:
Comments:	> > appearance instead of appearence. > > immense instead of emense. > > blacksmith's goggles instead of blacksmiths goggles. > > "...underneath a mess heavy bandages and dry blood." should be "...underneath a mess of heavy bandages and dried blood." > > I wonder why you capitalized Pale? Sometimes when you capitalize things to bring attention to them it defeats the purpose... I think this would be better just as "pale". > > I hate to keep pointing out spelling/grammar errors, I hope you don't take offense (and I myself am not a 100% expect by any means).. > > My last comment... instead of "...pursed together to make a cruel smile." I would replace make with "form"... simply because in the rest of the description you don't use any "simple" words.. make is a simple word, form isn't.. ya know what I mean? > > I like your description a lot, it gives a real feel for the appearance of the character... Again, I hope you don't mind me pointing out spelling errors and stuff, but then again you wouldn't have posted it here if you didn't expect it. Good luck with the character, seems like it will be cool. > > > Your gaze perchance happens to fall upon a pale and gaunt Svirfnebli. > > > Ashen, sickly looking skin looks to have been tightly pulled around his > > > wizened facial features, giving him an emaciated appearence. A rather > > > large, blunt and brutally deformed nose is partially hidden underneath > > > a mess heavy bandages and dry blood. Either side of these bandages, > > > sitting deep within two withdrawn ocular cavities are a pair of opaque, > > > misty grey eyes, devoid of pupils. Bitter and bloodless lips twist and > > > writhe as they are pursed together to make a cruel smile. Seated > > > underneath the larger bottom lip sits a sizeable tuff of whispy black > > > hair. > > > Hung around his emense bald head are a pair of what look to be blacksmiths > > > goggles. Covered in soot and dirt they leave thick marks upon his Pale > > > complexion. Slung across his chest, upon a large hardened leather sash > > > are a coat of arms. Three golden sheaths of wheat standing above a black > > > lion that breathes fire are the symbols embossed into the sash that > > > covers his chain mail outfit.

[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ Dioxide's CForum Character Board ]