Posted by Pattern Recognizer on June 27, 2000 at 17:55:41:

In Reply to: Here is my desc (halfling necro) tell me what you think... posted by Necroman on June 27, 2000 at 15:47:38:

1. Halfings are not of great stature, and do not reach, by any means, 7 feet.
2. If I'll look at you while you're asleep, will you still be walking and 'passing by', without paying me any attention?
3. Say, if I have 'sense life' or something, will I still barely even notice you?
4. You forgot 'eyes' in 'his [eyes] are deep blue'.
5. How can I see your eyes at all, if they're cloaked in shadow?
6. Here we are in this extremely calm desert oasis. Where the hell does that wind that tosses your robes come from?
7. In this deep cavern, there's no light to make your hands show.
8. 'As if a hint of what comes to us all' makes no sense. 'As if they were a hint' is more adequate.

Tips:
9. Be less personal. Try something like: 'His attention is hardly distracted from some thought of his, thought which reflects in his evil blue eyes'
10. Don't tell me what to do! See #3
11. Do not use atmosphere and/or volatile attributes. See #2, 6, 7
12. Work on your logical relations in and between sentences. See #8
13. Work on your typing skills. It really looks baaaad to see things like #4

Well, I'll just stop here, 'cause I like number 13

Hope it helped,
Pattern Recognizer, the Binder of Axons

Follow Ups:

• If you could think as much as you advise... Me 19:31:00 6/28/2000 (0)

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