Posted by Player on June 27, 2000 at 22:07:42:
In Reply to: Here is my desc (halfling necro) tell me what you think... posted by Necroman on June 27, 2000 at 15:47:38:
As an English major, I'm going to make a few stylistic suggestions which you may disregard if you don't give two shits about that stuff. :P The dark, deathly stuff is appropriate for a necromancer and the last line is pleasantly ominous. I think, though, that the description would benefit from a little word variation. Like don't start every sentence with "he" or "his." Also, the word evil is used three times. Evil and good are very overused, loaded terms in CF (or, hell, in real life) and as a result they're not going to communicate much, certainly nothing mysterious and creepy. Besides there are so many delightful words for evil. Malign or sinister or malevolent or insidious or... well, you get the point. Also.. I think you lack distinguishing features. (Other than the seven-foot tall halfling thing which is not really the kind of distinction you're going for) Something remarkable about your dress or manner or physiognomy displayed in your description can actually spark questions from fellow travellers and thus an opportunity to roleplay. Shadows, red and black cloak, and evil appearance are all pretty generic.