You might not like my opinion. I don't believe that actions should be in a desc.

You might not like my opinion. I don't believe that actions should be in a desc.:
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Posted by Pendragon_Surtr on December 12, 1999 at 21:56:13:

In Reply to: Well, rank 50 and i stil, have the same desc as when i was rank 2, help in improving it would be greatly appreciated. posted by Ilobel on December 11, 1999 at 12:58:45:

> You turn around to see a tall, thin, man.

But what if I didn't want to turn around?

It seems odd that you did not hear
> him enter the room until you notice his ears.

Room? I am in the middle of the forest!

Your jaw drops open and your
> eyes stare for the elven kind are seldom seen.

Seldom seen? But I standing in the forests of Mirkwood. There are elves all over here.

His skin is pale, much like
> that of a human. His hair is unlike anything you have ever seen before. It
> is deep blue, as the rivers in Thera once were.

This is ok, except for the part about "unlike anything you have ever seen before." You would have no idea what I have or haven't seen before.

He glances up in the sky and
> his eyes glow bright white.

So everytime I look at you, you have to glance up at the sky? What if I look at you as you are sleeping?

As he tips his head slightly forward you sense
> that there is a great power being channeled through him.

Again, you are tipping your head in your sleep?

He opens his hand
> to you, asking that you take it so he may give you his aid.

You are offering to aid me? But what if I am a dark elf? With this line a dark elf could ask you for your aid, do you really want that?

He smiles at you
> and then he is gone again, in the blink of an eye.

And lastly, everytime someone looks at you you word or teleport? Kinda tough doing that.
I know you asked for suggestions, I will post some tomorrow, I don't have the time to do up a decent description right now.

Follow Ups:

Your the type of person who bitches about the asn pose "hops onto a near by building" in a forest! (n/t) Tat 20:49:48 12/26/99 (2)
- True, especially since "nearby" doesn't have a space in it. (TEXT) Pendragon_Surtr 00:31:16 12/30/99 (1)
  - Ilobel, please read. Pendragon_Surtr 00:35:43 12/30/99 (0)
A bit of response... Ilobel 05:20:24 12/13/99 (2)
- Re: A bit of response... Tdr(VIP) 10:34:28 12/13/99 (0)
- not if your faerie fogged Graham 08:47:41 12/13/99 (0)

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Comments:	> > You turn around to see a tall, thin, man. > But what if I didn't want to turn around? > It seems odd that you did not hear > > him enter the room until you notice his ears. > Room? I am in the middle of the forest! > > Your jaw drops open and your > > eyes stare for the elven kind are seldom seen. > Seldom seen? But I standing in the forests of Mirkwood. There are elves all over here. > His skin is pale, much like > > that of a human. His hair is unlike anything you have ever seen before. It > > is deep blue, as the rivers in Thera once were. > This is ok, except for the part about "unlike anything you have ever seen before." You would have no idea what I have or haven't seen before. > > He glances up in the sky and > > his eyes glow bright white. > > So everytime I look at you, you have to glance up at the sky? What if I look at you as you are sleeping? > As he tips his head slightly forward you sense > > that there is a great power being channeled through him. > Again, you are tipping your head in your sleep? > > He opens his hand > > to you, asking that you take it so he may give you his aid. > > You are offering to aid me? But what if I am a dark elf? With this line a dark elf could ask you for your aid, do you really want that? > He smiles at you > > and then he is gone again, in the blink of an eye. > > And lastly, everytime someone looks at you you word or teleport? Kinda tough doing that. > I know you asked for suggestions, I will post some tomorrow, I don't have the time to do up a decent description right now.

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